There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
