Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
