FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize