youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
