I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
