Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
