I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
