On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
