you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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