I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
