last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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