we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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