Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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