Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
