How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are we still banned from the library?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
