No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
