you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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