when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
