if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Where is the hickey?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
