it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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