Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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