People in love make me want to vomit
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
