Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
