never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
