so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
