ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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