my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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