theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
