dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
