he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
