How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
