you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
