how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
