2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
