Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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