yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
