I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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