Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
