I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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