Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
