THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
