4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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