I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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