Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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