paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
