"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
