im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Randomize
