How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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