OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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