i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
