I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
