So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
