my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
