Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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