i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize