Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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