8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
