When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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