he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
