Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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