I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
