Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Congratulations! We have a period
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