it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
