Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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