you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
