Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
