I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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