your thong is hanging out like whoa
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
