How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize