Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
