I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
