good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
